Job hunting is like dieting, after a while. You tell yourself that you are keeping up a steady, reasonable pace of applications. With time and still without a job, the facts don't match that self perception.

Not having anything but waiting to do, and still not having found a spot where I can do that sustainably, I decided to go for a walk. The other day I'd bought a pair of pants at the junk shop, a solitary venture with discouraging results. I thought I might go visit the pair of pants I didn't get, having promptly decided they were better with the removal of the tags. I got a few blocks before my shoelace got lose and I decided I'd better head back. That's the way it goes.

Back at the apartment I thought that what I really wanted was a beer, and made some rice instead. I haven't recently had one of those cravings for a beer, the kind that sends you to the corner grocery in the middle of the afternoon. The rice was ok, but I try to wonder why, when I wasn't hungry for even the comfort of early day intoxication and didn't need the excuse to make a decision for me.

J called and asked how I was, and I pursed my lips trying to get an answer that could be spoken. Fine, the same (rather than anxious, confused, self-thwarted and impotent). Ah, so that's here to stay, he said.