metal boyfriend

Crossing the overpass, trash along the sidewalk contrasted the clean streets, I thought of course this is the route that I have found and taken. I was just finding my way back from lost, looking for the art museum my mind clearly recalled near signs for.

In my hotel room, I find that it has been cleaned for me. Above the television player, on the plastic tray, there's a box of green tea and a gnarled fist of brown skinned ginger, a purple Leatherman squirt and an internal computer cable. With organic peppermint goop in my hair, stinky and expensive stuff that I'd sneered at, I turned the doorknob flag back to 'do not disturb'. Those tags for late mornings in bed, which I'd left off for days. No one is allowed to leave that flag hanging for long. That's in the rules.

Back at my rent-paid apartment, an unused ticket to NY lies inside the front door. Here, a spent ticket to LA was laying on the floor, torn and glaring up.

A relationship, of course, is nothing like a job. I'd bought the conditioner on my way back to the hotel, peppermint flavored like the cigarette the dyke from training class let me smell in the elevator going down. The class repeats the lesson of awareness, presence and care. Choosing my flavor, I thought why not let that moment help me decide? Peppermint is now. Last year it may have been wintergreen (less sacharine, but flavor changes more readily than tastes). We are both training at the railroad. Joining the Machinist's Union. Folding ourselves into Polyester blend pleats and vests and smiles. By the second day of training class I thought to myself, the railroad is the boyfriend of my dreams. I wrapped my arms around myself and he was strong, affectionate without being jealous, critical and cruel but present. I noticed today that the lines around my lips are getting more severe but don't mind, suspecting them to be the result of a pucker kiss. Meeting other classmates on the street they say 'hey, man' and I'm nearly accustomed to that now.

Outside the window, a train goes by with a squeal and I run down the stairs out into the cold.